Baby Makes

When I was in Montreal in October 2005 for my baby shower, I stayed at a pal’s place for the night. Needing something to read I picked up a book in a pile from her room and proceeded to get fully involved with the characters in the first few pages. I ran out of time and left the book behind when I returned to Ottawa. But I could never get the book out of my mind. Something about the writing pulled at me, I knew I needed to get back to it, in fact I needed to own it. I began to look for it, but only casually because meantime I was eight months preggers and reading nothing but books on how to give birth/be a mom/alternatives to drugs blah blah. I thought of the book often, wondering what the story would hold for me.  I received a gift card for Chapters for Christmas right after Cam was born but never had time to do anything with it. By this point Cam had been diagnosed with Down syndrome and I was still in the process of accepting the news. One day Arras and I were shopping and I had the gift card with me: I knew exactly what I would buy with - The Memory Keeper’s Daugther. The book stayed by my bedside for a time before I actually got to it, and I remember one day thinking I would have a rest on my bed while Cam slept. I reached for the book and thought “I may as well read the back of this book that I’ve been depserate to find - I have no idea what it’s about” and the back cover revealed that this story was about a baby born with Down syndrome. Time stopped, sound stopped. I suddenly knew why I had been needing this book.

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter is a  phenomenally well-written book by author Kim Edwards with a dramatic story that draws any reader in. Specifically for people who have experience or familiarity with the world of people with special needs, it describes the tragic mistake made by a doctor in an age when perceptions about Down syndrome were based on fear, a lack of understanding and a great lack of information. The story that follows is rich with the joys that accompany a woman who raises young Pheobe, a girl with Ds, as Pheobe achieves wonderful great things from rolling over, to dancing, to falling in love. Everyone should read this book.

The article in Reader’s Digest focusses on 19 year old Krystal’s experience auditioning for both roles as the older character of Pheobe and the child, preparing for the role, and working in an environment few people with special needs ever experience. Krystal rises above the “diagnosis” she was given that her reading level is at a fourth grade one, memorizes lines, and takes direction. In shattering the stereotypes that some people have about people with developmental dlays, she also helps her mother banish her own mispaced beliefs that actors and movie stars are self-centered.

The Memory Keeper’s Daughter is produced by the Lifetime Network, co-stars Emily Watson and Hugh Thompson, an actor I worked with on Two Words For Snow (Volcano Theatre), and is one of the best stories I’ve ever read.

Other Heroes for Cam:

Honarary Mayor

Dancing Man

Brilliant post on Three Weddings about discipline.

The new BBQ slowly takes on shape in front of the old, no longer working, BBQ:

But really, this picture shows all the elements of white trash we leave behind when we move to greener pastures in fancy Wellington Village (the rusting lawn shed with peeling paint and broken door, the purple pool with the hole blown through the bottom, the crappy lawn with a huge paved parking spot in it, Oscar’s gabage can, the milk crate, the memories of all things craptastic, the smell of the back porch [what IS that?], the astronomically high utility bills, the oh-so-sickly-sweet-stab-you-in-the-face landlord, the peeping toms). This BBQ is the beginning of a better life. When we’re MARRIED!!!

My show closed on Sunday, June 15th. I have been astounded since then at how relaxed I have become. Quite clearly, the decision to go back to work in theatre has had some profound effects on our lives. The show itself was fraught with turmoil: the lead actress came to first day with a severe full body rash, the male lead in the second week of rehearsal (and there were only two weeks of rehearsal…for a three act bilingual political comedy) went into hospital with an infection in his artificial knee and underwent two surgeries before becoming an outpatient so he could return to the show, in tech week the lighting board crashed several times delaying lighting levels by easily 4 hours, the sound designer’s computer died and he had to buy a whole new one to complete the sound design, we delayed opening, and the fourth floor of the building caught on fire. At home, we had to pay for 7 days a week childcare because both Arras and I work in a constantly fluctuating schedule, and we were constantly at the mercy of our jobs which resulted in terrific hoop-jumping to make things work. Arras and I rarely saw one another once I was in show mode, and wedding plans (but not knitting!) took a definite back seat.  Stress from dealing with IATSE, actors, and a three hour show left me very very unsure about how I would provide for my family in the future, and left me lacking in energy to maintain things like my relationship, my home, and my self. Given how hard it has been to find non-theatre work in this city, and given how much it costs us in so many ways when I return to work in theatre, our thoughts are now that it makes more sense to be a stay at home mom (enter death of professional soul now). Although I love being home with Cam and Nero and doing things like laundry, food prep, and knitting, I really really like to earn a living. I am fulfilled by working for someone else and coming home with a paycheque. I have a sense of achievement after a day at work knowing that without me, the day wouldn’t have gone quite the same way. Furthermore, I love theatre. But it was too hard to blend theatre work with everything at home.

So since closing, things have become much more peaceful. The dress is complete but for its decorative edging and structural details that go in last, the reception venue has been themed and outfitted (in theory - we can’t set up until the day), and some beautiful suggestions for ceremony details have been confirmed. I have my reception outfit, my wedding outfit, some ideas for hair styles, and paperwork for all my peeps who have generously agreed to take on various roles. Yaya and Annechovie picked out the PERFECT suit for Cameron, and I am delighted to find out some guests are arriving the day before so we can have a wicked night before celebration. I have been knitting some other elements of the wedding and am happy to report they are in varying stages of readiness, and bit by bit all the other details seem to be falling into place. The long-range weather forecast changes daily so I go through super roller coaster rides of “yay! oh no!” as often as Cameron has to have his pants changed.There are still, of course, a million things to do.

Arras is steadily working through his final days of work before the wedding - last night he announced 4 days left before the wedding which pitched me into a fit because it sounds WAYYYY too soon, but really we have 9 days. Arras has been my rock through all of this and has had to put up with a great deal thanks to my inability to handle stress and my return to theatre. He has been a monumental force in helping Cameron develop in the ways I posted about earlier, and has been my calming influence when I lose my remaining marble. I frackin’ love that guy.

Nero itches. All the time. He has Rideau River Itch. He also has “why don’t you love me enough?” disorder and is suffering silently. He patiently lies through Cameron’s insatiable need to climb up Nero by his fur, and begs minutely for more food, more water, and some peanut butter treats if there are any, please. He sleeps. He loyally rests his head on our lap when we seem like we need it. He carries his bed to each guests who visits - I’m not sure it its to share, or show off, but its funny. He hates the backyard and can’t wait until we move…oh wait that’s me.

After a long two year battle with our landlord to get the wiring adjusted for a proper sized dryer, she has informed us that in the week before our wedding she would like to bring the estimate guy over to look at “some things in the basement”. Hmmm, would that be the wiring for a dryer so she can charge the next suckers more rent for this hole? Nero doesn’t like our landlord. Oh wait, me again.

In the last couple of days/weeks Cameron has shown some definite developments. I haven’t been able to post very often because our schedule has been topsy turvy but here’s the latest on Cam now that things have relaxed some.

Cameron can now scootch around so fast he burns holes in his pants; during the heat wave a few weeks ago I spent a lot of time in the cool basement sewing up pants and shorts for the boy out of thin summery cotton. Thank goodness I did because the boy goes through pants at an alarming rate due to how much he gets around. He has hysterical moves like “jumping” up and down on his butt, and sometimes scootches froward so quickly he loses his balance from the velocity. He is pulling up on everything on which he can get purchase which includes the pedestal table, an integral part of the Wedding Dress Madness organization. We can’t keep anything on the coffee table because that’s an easy grab, and sadly the place where Wedding Dress Madness gets conveniently left when I’m mid-project. He also pulls up on the chair at the computer and if I’m sitting there at the time we have great laughs as I surprise him with tickles once he gets up. Up on the baby gate at the kitchen, up on the grabby part between the two mattresses on our bed, up on his crib rails, up on the TV table, up on anyone who will help his hands stick to slippery material. He “walks” for long distances and Arras and I remarked the other day that we think it will be not too long that he is able to take a step unassisted. Cameron has invented some new games for himself which I think show great levels of invention and imagination, and his pincer grip is getting better and better, if the pinch marks on my neck are any indication. After giving up on signing for a time, about two weeks ago I tried ‘juice’ for him and lickety split, there he was doing his version of juice which is so cute I could barf. So we brought signing back in, and now he has a sign for ‘juice’ and ‘hungry’. When he gets tired we ask him where is suce is and watch with amazement as he follows the clip down to the object of pacification and deftly turns it around the right way and pops it in. Huge developments. We can tell that he is frustrated by his own body - as he stands at a table after pulling up with his eye on something he wants, you can practically FEEL his desire to just take a step over there. You can see that his mind recognizes the next thing coming, but his body needs time to catch up. Yesterday he pulled himself up on the bathtub (safety fifth) and then lifted one leg up as though to step up higher. I want to take him over to Yaya’s house straight away because that looks to me like he’s ready for stairs. I’m amazed by him every day, and a little sad that I missed these developments as they happened due to being in a dark theatre for several weeks.

Dear Dada, this is how much you rock:

Let’s keep rockin’ on together. Thank you for being my main man (and Momma’s too!) in the last few weeks of theatre schedule. Thanks for being the guy who can put me down for a nap the perfect way and for being the guy who sets me up with all the best things first thing in the morning. Thanks for teaching me new tricks like yelling into yellow cups, high fiving, and blowing kisses. Thanks for being the greatest Dad EVER and for teaching me how to use the laptop (if I was awake right now, Momma would have me actually type this).

I love you,

Cam.

I love you too,

Kate.